If I Were A Tree

If I were a poet, you would find your way to me through my wild love of rivers,

the way water finds its way to the ocean and the low points of a place; sometimes meandering and sometimes with a purposeful force downstream.

You would marvel at the gentle way the light is reflected off the pine needles of the fir, cedar and hemlock this afternoon. Or is it the way the leaves themselves emanate light in their holy communion with the sun?

I could not help but make you fall in love with Madrone, painting your imagination with the soft ruddy skin of those majestic beings.

We would sit quietly under their canopy, our bare feet on the dry earth, and watch the dragonflies skim over the still face of the nearby pond.

And what about the meadow? I am in love with meadows. The variety of flowers just blooming their way to seed. Yarrow, Goldenrod, Lilies - purple, yellow, white. The openness of a meadow, trusting, bare and available, just there, at the edge of forest, bird song, and mystery. Not simply absence of trees. Meadow invites. In a language I have known since I was small and know now still when I am alone to court the wild soul of things. 

I am in love with trees. I have been since the beginning. How can we not be? In my first remembered dream I am in the branches of a very large tree, around me are all of the other animals in creation. All colors, creatures, textures - tails and talons, wings and scales, claws and tongues, fins, teeth, feathers. The tree is spinning, or rather, we are spinning, around, in and with the tree, as the tree, as, and at the center of, the world. The tree of life.

If I were a tree, you would know the tender wound in your own soul that leads some to violence and others to despair, and others still to magnificent beauty and creativity. You would know the fierce love that defends and protects. You would feel the fur of your skin quiver as you sense the lion approach the meadow, and the clench of your jaw as you pounce.

If I could, I would introduce you to Manzanita, Oak, Cottonwood, Alder, Sycamore, Cedar, Pine. Hone my voice, and raise my voice, and sing a love song of mourning for the trees. A poet’s song, like the mockingbirds, who sing their most beautiful song just as they utter their last breath.

This summer I witnessed mountainsides of dead trees. In Colorado - Blue spruce, Englemann spruce, Douglas fir. In Washington - Broad leaf Maple, Whitebark Pine, Western Redcedars, Western hemlocks, Douglas fir. In California, they are burning now. The trees are burning. The world is on fire. Drought and flames, blight and climate change. 150 million trees dead in California alone over the last years of drought, 18 million just last year, and as we breathe, their breathe, they are falling now, too many to count. Honoring the fallen. 

If I were a poet, I would weave a tapestry of words to give us courage to stand strong and proud as trees, knowing why we are here and what we need to do, strengthen our voices to praise and defend all life, help us carry our dreams home, bring us to safely to shore, belong us to this world, fill our plates with plenty, cleanse our waters pure, ease our bones, protect our children, tend our seeds, ignite our imagination, open our ears to the music, celebrate the beauty of all the tones of our skin, speak to you in the language of your ancestors, remember us to who we are, honor the gifts, practice wild and unabashed kindness, make us fall in love with each other, all of us, rest in the spaces between, hold you close to my heart, turn this world around and around in a sacred rhythm of we. 

Oh my dear friend, if I were a poet, you would never ever feel alone again, nor harm another living being, including yourself. You would fall to your knees for the beauty, and the horror of it all, in a merciful embrace. You would weep for the utter madness and perfection. And then you would rise, you would rise, in full splendor, to love this world with everything you've got, and give it all away. 

I am a tree, come rest in my shade. Come rest in my shade, there is work to be done.

Blessings and Blossomings of Spring

Last night as I was sleeping,

I dreamt-marvelous error!-

That a spring was breaking

Out in my heart.

I said: Along which secret aqueduct,

Oh water, are you coming to me,

Water of a new life

That I have never drunk?

Last night as I was sleeping,

I dreamt-marvelous error!-

That I had a beehive

Here inside my heart.

And the golden bees were making white combs

And sweet honey

From my old failures.

By Antonio Machado (version by Robert Bly)

Greetings friends~

May the blessings and blossomings of spring be upon you in full bloom. To notice, share, celebrate, honor, tend and reciprocate the inherent beauty of this world is essential in these times of emergency as in all times. I think of the Chinese character which means both crisis and opportunity, and the Tzutujil Mayan word that means both grief and praise. We are in this time of The Great Unraveling and the Great Turning, as Buddhist activist Joanna Macy refers to our current global situation. The world is falling apart and being re-membered simultaneously. We do not know the outcome. Only the path, and the necessity of heart, courage and togetherness. I am also reminded of the teaching story where a young person is listening to their grandmother about the two wolves that live inside of each of us, one is vicious and afraid and the other full of compassion. The child asks, "which wolf will make it through?" The grandmother responds, "whichever one you feed."

This is a brief note to let you know about upcoming opportunities to grow heart, courage, compassion and togetherness in times like ours, of beauty and trouble: a weekend retreat in the foothills near Santa Barbara at the end of June, a series of talks/councils locally, two youth programs I am involved in this summer- California Global Youth Peace Summit (June), and a two week Immersion with the Institute for Emerging Visionaries (August). I have included the links to these last two transformational experiences for young people in case you know young ones to send, want to volunteer your time, or are moved to consider a financial contribution. This goes as well for the links described at the bottom of this message under "...Other Tidbits" - Earth Guardians and Wisdom Weavers.

Thanks so much.

with heart,

Alexis


Upcoming Events

Weekend Retreat: Remembering the Gift - Honoring the Call

June 28 Friday 2pm- June 30 Sunday 4pm

This weekend camping retreat brings together any one interested in the well being of people and planet, to learn, grow and heal, and receive the nourishment and inspiration needed to continue to show up and honor the call of the soul to bring forth what is alive in us toward the repair of the world. It is an opportunity to be in a beautiful natural setting in a supportive, inclusive community, and delve into best practices for remembering the gift of this life, and the gifts we have to share. Ritual, singing, listening and sharing, nature based practices, shared meals, living outside, and more will be the container of our time together, to hold our love and our grief, and the full range of our human experience.

REGISTER HERE by JUNE 10


Awakening Earth Series

June 23, July 21, August 25, September 29, 2019

Sundays 3pm - 5pm ~ for 4 months

Yoga Soup, Santa Barbara, CA

Come to one or all for a sequential arc of deepening

We will unite in a shared context of our love for the world and common care for people and planet, to build connection and courage for bringing forth what is most alive in us in response to a world in need of repair. We have unique gifts to share, as well as obstacles that prevent us from our natural and full expression. We need community and containment to see and be seen and explore our basic humanity. We will engage our love and heartbreak, questions of purpose and participation, and simple practices to listen to ourselves and each other. The theme will vary each month and the form will remain more or less the same.

June 23: The Heart Broken Open

July 21: Belonging, Shame and the Trance of Separation

August 25: Hearing the Cries of the World

Sept 29: Resiliency, Courage and Sharing Our Gifts

REGISTER HERE


Women's Group: Initiatory Mentorship

June 23, July 20, August 31, September 28, October 26

10am - 5pm

Santa Barbara, CA

One daylong a month for 5 months

Come together in shared kinship around healing, vocation, love, obstacles, vulnerability, authenticity and transformation, with a commitment to look together at what is calling each of us, internally and in the world. Where our soul's calling meets the call of the world. What if anything gets in our way. Welcoming home the outcasts, in service of a revolution of love. Truly sistering each other into our own becoming on behalf of what we love. It is important to have community, support and guidance to activate our true nature and gifts. 

For more information and registration, please email infowildbelonging@gmail.com (not on website).


Tara Mandala Family Retreat

July 11-17, 2019

Tara Mandala Retreat Center, Pagosa Springs, CO

A week in the wilderness for youth 12-18, embedded in the annual family retreat program at Tara Mandala.


Community Grief Ritual:

Opening To Grace

Saturday, September TBD, 9:30am-6pm

Santa Barbara, CA

An opportunity to honor our personal and collective grief with regards to the sorrows of the world, loss of loved ones, ancestral grief, trauma, places in ourselves that have not known love, what we expected and did not receive, and the reality that everything we love, we will lose.

REGISTRATION COMING SOON


Mundane Miracles, Holy Wonders & Other Tidbits


PEOPLE AND ORGS TO KNOW & TRACK - YOUTH AND INDIGENOUS VOICES

Young climate activist - Greta Thunberg

“This ongoing irresponsible behaviour will no doubt be remembered in history as one of the greatest failures of humankind....You lied to us. You gave us false hope. You told us that the future was something to look forward to.”

Earth Guardians

"We inspire, galvanize, and train diverse youth to be effective leaders in the climate and social justice movement - using art, music, storytelling, civic engagement & legal action to advance solutions to the critical issues we face as a global community."

Wisdom Weavers

Inspired by the vision of Alaskan Unangan traditional and environmental leader, Ilarion (Kuuyux) Merculieff, invitations were sent out to gather Elders from the four directions to sit in council and hold ceremonies for the purpose of deep listening to the wisdom streams that were ready to be shared. Over ten thousand years ago, Elders at that time knew that a great imbalance was coming, so the original instructions of how to live in harmony as one Earth family were partially hidden by a wave of forgetting to keep them safe. Each group of people had enough wisdom to survive and continue on, but no one people had all of the knowledge once available to them. 

It is time NOW, many Elders from around the world agree, to reweave the original instructions by coming together and sharing their unique cultural ways that are each a piece in the puzzle with much overlapping wisdom. With Earth's living systems being stressed and dishonored in new extremes, we must come together to weave a new story and new awakened presence as one Earth family in harmony with all of our relations, if human beings are to continue on this Earth.

We invite you to explore a new way of living, being guided by our hearts, with each and every unique heart beating together in the great song of creation.


POEM

Clearing

by Martha Postlewaite

Do not try to save

the whole world

or do anything grandiose.

Instead, create

a clearing

in the dense forest

of your life

and wait there

patiently,

until the song

that is your life

falls into your own cupped hands

and you recognize and greet it.

Only then will you know

how to give yourself

to this world

so worth of rescue.

“Survival of humanity depends on educating the hearts of children.”

– His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Linear and Cyclical Time

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”  

~Mary Oliver

Greetings friends~

Hard to believe we have already experienced more than one full moon, and one with full eclipse!!, since I took this photo of the full moon rise on winter solstice in Santa Barbara. We keep spiraling through space on this beloved, beautiful and bountiful planet, as the waters rise, songs are sung, babies born, loved ones die, whales migrate, bees pollenate, prayers are danced, people stand, make love, fight, heal, bless. The light is returning, spring is springing and we are in troubled times. I have been listening to the Soweto Choir recently, inspiring music of liberation and freedom from the place on the planet of our human origins, where we came out of the earth and became all of our brilliantly diverse colors, forms, traditions, rituals, languages, around the world. I have also been reflecting on time, and the difference between linear and cyclical time. Linear time as a more recent human construct connected to a worldview of progress, with the aim of getting somewhere better. Most traditional cultures live within a very different concept of time, reflecting a worldview of cycles, relatedness, animation and connection with the living world. Indigenous elders have said that we left cyclical time and entered linear time when we left our hearts and our capacity for presence, for the terrain of our minds. Jon Young, nature educator and mentor, tells a story of being with the San Bushman in South Africa, who at the time were not familiar with watches. One of the elders, noticing Jon's watch, shared an observation - every time someone looks at their watch, the next thing they do is something very rude. Our anxiety about running out of time.

In October 2018 we received news from the UN Climate Assessment report that we have twelve years to lower the carbon levels and address climate change/disruption/chaos in a real, urgent and committed way, in order to mitigate further climate related devastations and stop the loss of life as we know it. How do we still inhabit a deeper, slower rhythm of the heart, which puts us in direct contact and communion with the animals, plants, ancestors, and earth itself? How do we keep from rudeness, yet open to outrage? How do we find beauty in the chaos, and love fiercely? How do we support youth to bare witness with keen attention and uncover their gifts to serve creation? How do we grow wise and compassionate elders? These questions and our responses are the holy endeavors of our time. Author and activist Deena Metzger, in her poem, Song writes, "There are those that want to set fire to the world, We are in danger. There is time only to move slowly. There is no time not to love."

Grateful to be on the journey with you.

Young Adults Retreat (age 17-25): June 29 - July 4, 2019. Details Coming Soon.

Soul Activism Training: next round starts October 2019.

in love and blessing,

Alexis


Upcoming Events


Community Grief Ritual:

Opening To Grace

Saturday, March 30, 9:30am-6pm

Santa Barbara, CA

An opportunity to honor our personal and collective grief with regards to the sorrows of the world, loss of loved ones, ancestral grief, trauma, places in ourselves that have not known love, what we expected and did not receive, and the reality that everything we love, we will lose.


Soul Activism Series: Wild Awakening - Women, Soul & Nature

April 11-15, 2019

Cuyama Valley, CA

In this 5 day retreat, with nature as teacher, we are supported to find our natural rhythms and remember parts of ourselves long forgotten. We will share and weave our stories in a community of women, awaken unique expressions, listen deeply to the collective call, and follow our curiosities, desires, dreams, longings and wild impulses. 

Limited to 10 participants (women with whom I have worked)

Register by March 15


Mundane Miracles, Holy Wonders & Other Tidbits


SEA STARS CONTINUED

In my last newsletter, I wrote about the sighting of a sea star - Ochre Sea Star, Pisaster Ochraceus Segnis. It was the first one I had seen since 2013, when their population began to decline as a result of sea star wasting syndrome, a virus of undetermined origin associated with warmer water temperatures (read climate change). I am happy to share that on the full moon last month, with a very extreme low tide, I spotted ten starfish. It felt like a miracle. So many of our creatures are dying, whole ecosystems, and so many of us heartbroken. Deena Metzger recently wrote a piece called Extinction Illness: Grave Affliction and Possibility, which is a deeply moving and thought-provoking piece about our collective state of being. She says,

"Extinction Illness: an affliction and an alert. ...Extinction Illness is an iconic auto-immune disease: the species attacks itself and all life is threatened....But deep self-scrutiny of the illness and its causes can reveal, as is the case, again, with other life-threatening illnesses, which paths lead to healing and the restoration of vitality. There are old medicines and medicine ways that can be revived. Indigenous peoples whose ways and culture are not responsible for this tragedy, though they suffer it, know something of the values, approaches, lived ways that can mitigate what is otherwise our grim fate. Deep immersion in and attention to and unconditional love of the natural world are necessary pathways. There are other ways we can find but none will be effective unless we willingly, ruthlessly and essentially change our lives.The only healing for Extinction Illness is changing our lives to stop Extinction. The only healing for Extinction Illness is changing our lives to stop Extinction."

SYNCHRONICITIES AND SHARING

At the beginning of 2018, I shared with a friend and colleague who was on the path to becoming a reverend, that I was curious about the archetype of chaplain (though I don't have a resonance to the Christian lineage of the word), and was interested in experiencing that role. The next day, I received a call from someone at Unity Church, asking me if I was available to give a sermon the following Sunday. They wanted someone to speak on loss and change, as our local community had just come through the devastating Thomas fire and debris flow, and there were changes afoot in the Church community as well. Although it's been almost a year now, in the spirit of visibility, I have included a link to the video here, in case you are interested in seeing my first talk of this kind, and my first video on youtube or any public media for that matter. It was a joy to share with the community in this way, and I am grateful for the opportunity.

RECOMMENDED

30 minute video - Mark Tollyn speaks about his book, It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle


POEM

Please bring strange things.

Please come bringing new things.

Let very old things come into your hands.

Let what you do not know come into your eyes.

Let desert sand harden your feet.

Let the arch of your feet be the mountains.

Let the paths of your fingertips be your maps

And the ways you go be the lines of your palms.

Let there be deep snow in your inbreathing

And your outbreath be the shining of ice.

May your mouth contain the shapes of strange words.

May you smell food cooking you have not eaten.

May the spring of a foreign river be your navel.

May your soul be at home where there are no houses.

Walk carefully, well-loved one,

Walk mindfully, well-loved one,

Walk fearlessly, well-loved one.

Return with us, return to us,

Be always coming home.

-Ursula K. Leguin, 1929 - 2018

"[T]his is. And thou art. There is no safety, and there is no end. The word must be heard in silence; there must be darkness to see the stars. The dance is always danced above the hollow place, above the terrible abyss."

~Ursula Legwin

A Good Dose of Holy Ferocity

“Tenderly, I now touch all things, knowing one day we will part."

~ Saint John of the Cross

Greetings friends~

It has been an unexpectedly long time since my last newsletter. I planned to write before a trip to Ireland and the Big Island of Hawaii this summer, but it didn't happen, and now here we are, spinning through the cosmos toward winter. After a hot, parched summer in Santa Barbara, I thoroughly enjoyed the lush, green, rainy islands - visiting friends and family on an ancestral pilgrimage and driving a van for a group of astrologers on a sacred site tour of the land of Eriu. I reveled in the wisdom of my neolithic ancestors and their exquisite feats of ingenuity and observation around cosmic cycles and relations with the natural world. Beauty, magic, myth and the way of the feminine were the ground and surround, however, we also auspiciously arrived on the same day as the Pope and throughout the journey bore witness to horrendous stories of current and past abuses of children and women in the name of the Catholic Church. In verdancy and outrage, I returned to Southern California, acutely aware of the dry, dusty creek beds, thirsty trees, effects of fire... as well as the abuses of power, privilege and patriarchy at home, in the midst of a heat further ignited by the recent political and social injustices and unrest. Furthermore, as we here on the west coast are still recovering from fires and related devastations, floods and hurricanes have reeked havoc on the east coast, and now recent mass shootings have deepened our collective despair. The troubles certainly continue to trouble. In this, we are called beyond hope, to delve inside ourselves to uncover the truth of our beings, the dream of our soul and a life of meaning and purpose. May we have the support, courage, faith, steadfastness, imagination, kindness, truth and friendship we need, as well as a good dose of holy ferocity, singing and weeping, laughing and feasting, as we engage this endeavor and meet and greet each moment of change.

November 1, Samhain, in the Celtic tradition, marked the new year, the end of harvest time and the beginning of the dark time, the first days of winter (in this hemisphere). A time in many cultures where the veil between the worlds is thin, and we remember in gratitude, our connection to our ancestors and all that sustains us in this and the Other World. As days become shorter, it is a natural time to turn inward, reflect on what we have experienced, and rest and vision for what is to come.

I am grateful to have the opportunity to slow down and take time to reflect and prepare for the upcoming year. In this spirit, there is not currently much on the calendar. For locals, check out the Women's Grief and Gratitude Retreat in December, and stay tuned for information about Dream Courses, Young Adults Councils and a follow up to the Soul Activism Training. The next local Community Grief Ritual will be March 30-31, 2019 and I am inspired to offer more initiatory programs for youth, as well as continue to provide opportunities for people to cultivate connection, compassion and community both locally and beyond. Stay tuned for updates as dates and programs are confirmed for next year.

Thanks to so many of you who reached out in response to my last newsletter. Thank you to all of you who continue to show up to and for the programs, groups, sessions, councils, talks, etc. I keep offering... your presence enriches myself and others in a shared field of openness and mutual tussling with what it means to be human in this time and place, and how to surrender and respond to what it is we are being called to in service to life. I am deeply grateful and honored.

in love and blessing,

Alexis


Upcoming Events


Women's Grief and Gratitude Retreat

December 8-9, 2018

Arroyo Hondo Preserve, CA

Camping

Join us for a weekend camping retreat to explore our grief and gratitude in communion with each other and the land. We will share in circle, engage in ritual, have time on the land, sing and dance, weep and laugh.

With Sharon Tollefson, Elizabeth Gonella, and others.

Saturday 9am - Sunday 4pm.

Register by November 25


Mundane Miracles, Holy Wonders & Other Tidbits


SEA STARS

I am very grateful to live near the ocean. Even though at times I lament the sparseness of fresh water due to years of drought, I receive abundant gifts from the salty sea. Not too long ago, I was walking on the beach at low tide with a friend, enjoying conversation and the beauty of the morning. As we passed by familiar rocks covered with muscles and sea anenomes, she excitedly asked, "Is that a starfish?" I followed her gaze to a bright orange area on the underside of a large rock. If you are not from this part of the world, then let me tell you that until about five years ago the area would have been covered with starfish, the orange and purple thick bodied sea stars, and the thin legged ones too. However, I have not personally seen one in years despite my very frequent walks on the beach. Since 2013, almost all of the starfish have been killed, from Alaska to Baja California, as a result of sea star wasting syndrome, a virus of undetermined origin associated with warmer water temperatures (read climate change). So you can imagine my surprise and elation, when I lifted up a strand of sea weed, and lo and behold, there was a bright orange starfish - Ochre Sea Star, Pisaster Ochraceus Segnis. Seeing this creature after years of its absence reminded me of a story I heard from a wild and mischievous teacher regarding seeds and the mystery of life. It was known in some of the rural villages in Guatemala, where he lived, that on occasion, after a good rain, long forgotten seeds would sprout out of the walls of the old mud houses, bearing flowers and fruits never before seen, but heard about in the stories of the old ones, waiting for just the right conditions and circumstances to return again. Along the same thread, another indigenous elder, from the Aleutian Islands on the coast of Alaska, shared his experience of grief as a young boy, when he realized the traditional masks of his people were all lost and forgotten. He was advised by his elder to go out onto the water and sit very quietly for a very long time until he connected to the place from which all things, all traditions, originate - the womb of the world so to speak. The elder shared that the masks resided there waiting to come forth at the right moment. And they did.

ODE TO CLOUDS

I read an article this summer in a local publication entitled, Southern California is Losing Its Clouds: New Study Reveals a Significant Decline Since the 1970s. Apparently "cloud cover is plummeting in southern coastal California," according to a climatologist. I was struck by the absurdity and the impossibility of this... and yet the truth, local clouds on the brink of extinction. So much is changing, lost, forgotten... is there anything exempt from the hand of this uncertain fate? Clouds, are a feast for the imagination, as well as being essential for the earth-atmosphere system, as they help regulate the earth's energy balance by reflecting and scattering solar radiation and absorbing earth's infrared energy. Those ephemeral passing beauties, signifying change and weather, moisture and life. Whimsy. Rain. Rainbows. Protection from the sun. Storms. Heavenly realms. Enchantment. As we learn to dwell in a field of uncertainty, it is good to pause a moment and reflect on the beauty and majesty of clouds. Lift your gaze and look up or outside through the window at the vastness of the sky, our atmosphere and beyond, and breathe in, knowing your heart is as vast. Find a way wherever you are to honor clouds, and for that matter, everything else you see, smell, hear, touch, taste and feel... all the 10,000 things on the cusp of now. We never know when something we notice or may not have noticed, might disappear.

BOOKS I HAVE RECENTLY ENJOYED

Linda Kohanov: The Tao of Equus

Sharon Blackie: If Women Rose Rooted

OTHER RESOURCES THAT HELP

Michael Meade Mosaic Voices Podcast: Hope and Despair #95

VOTING

We are on the eve of midterm elections in the US, and have the possibility to reshape our government and change our collective dream. Whether or not democracy is currently working or for that matter, your personal cup of tea, let us cast our votes for justice, truth and peace and all that is good, however we do it, in the voting booth and in our every day actions and prayers.

Voting Guide for Santa Barbara, CA Thanks to Art Ludwig of Oasis Design.

The World is a Gift to Come Home To

Night time comes so quickly.

The not doing still stirring.

Is it the gestation I feel? Or simply fear?

I pick up the tools on hand to write these words.

Hoping beyond hope for a thread of inspiration.

That something beyond myself will take over and deliver me to unknown shores.

It is this magic I crave, this spontaneous aliveness, I witnessed in the black phoebe this morning, as she flitted from driftwood to driftwood.

What even makes sense anymore?

There is so much to lament. So much to recognize. So many names to speak in reverence and remembrance.

Does it have to feel like entrapment? Are the songs of my ancestors too quiet for my ears?

I still wake each morning and watch the light change. This gives me solace.

I am a wild creature, held hostage by ideas and pictures of another time. A beast living within four holy walls, crumbling to nothing.

I only pray to wake up. Help me not engage unnecessary process.

The entitlement echoes … Show me how to live. Spark my wonder.

While all the wild ones dance in the shadows of unsuspecting mothers, distracted fathers, the young who know another way, and our own karmic manipulations.

If there is one thing I know, it is this,

The world is a gift to come home to.

 


Choosing Love and Life in the Face of Complete Uncertainty and Risk

Global Youth Peace Summit Gathering

"Let us risk the wildest places, lest we go down in comfort and despair."

~ Mary Oliver

Greetings friends~

Spring is springing here in Santa Barbara County. We had several rains this past season, which although necessitated folks in high risk zones to evacuate repeatedly, also gratefully brought clear water flowing to the streams, new green life to the land, the blossoming of wild flowers and happy bellies of critters. Given the challenges we all face in our personal lives, communities and in the world, it is good to feel the spirit of renewal which accompanies the welcome water and turn of the seasons. Nature is a good teacher that way, in the natural rhythms of letting go and coming forth.

Around the Spring Equinox we held a Grief Ritual at an old barn in a local canyon. Amidst the oaks and sycamores, 35 men and women came together to honor grief in a collective ritual of beauty, rawness and communion. At the end of the day, several of us walked downstream to the ocean to bring our offerings to the sea. On our return, one of our party noticed a large fish, 18 inches long, moving upstream through the clear water in a cement tunnel up a fish ladder, which is how the stream passes under the highway at this particular spot --- a steelhead trout! Last spring, this stream, with very little water due to years of drought, was home to steelhead eggs. This brought scientists and nature enthusiasts, as the steelhead have been endangered in this area for some time. In all my years frequenting these front country streams, I have never seen a fish this size. It was a blessing and a reminder of change and possibility. Only 3 years ago (almost to the day on May 19), a corroded pipeline deposited 3,400 barrels of crude oil into one of the most biologically diverse coastlines on the west coast in the Refugio Oil Spill and devastated the area. A couple weeks ago, Caltrans approved a 60 million dollar project to build a wildlife bridge over the 101 freeway about 60 miles south of here to open the way for mountain lions, bobcats, coyotes, deer, and other animals to maneuver around a human centered world. If completed this wildlife crossing will be the first in California.

I have recently crossed a sort of wildlife bridge in my life, indeed, a powerful threshold. Life conspired, as it does, to provide just the right circumstances for me to hit and reveal unexpected hard edges. Eventually through intense fear and reactivity, incredible resistance, and much letting go and surrender, I have found myself on the other side, choosing love and life in the face of complete uncertainty and risk. It is a holy and humbling journey to undefend the heart and keep it open in the face of inevitable loss, disappointment, and pain. Profoundly challenging. And that is without any real threat to my person, dignity, rights, lifestyle and life. I am beyond blessed for that privilege. Deep bows to human beings who are willing to forgive, heal, choose love, offer shelter to each other. It is a miracle, to be alive, in the reciprocal exchange of love and gratitude. To know our vulnerability, and that of others, and be kind and merciful.

In the spirit of gratitude, for the whole non-human and human world, for ladders and bridges, I offer thanksgiving for the blessing of being and working with some amazing people in the past months. Men and women with the Santa Barbara Bucket Brigade, shoveling and digging along side each other in awesome community solidarity.The courageous women who have joined me for a 6 month Soul Activism training, those in a recent initiatory mentorship journey, as well as a 12 week dream group series which just ended. The staff of My Friend's Place, a homeless youth shelter in Los Angeles, who are bringing the practice of council to their work. Antioch students who are exploring and re-imagining mental health in the context of a sick culture. Pacifica Graduate Institute students who sit in council every month to share and listen from the heart. The brave men and women who show up to honor grief in community. All of the people I am honored to accompany on their paths of remembering wholeness. My family and friends and animal companions - particularly steelhead, gray whales, dolphins, blue heron, bobcat, my cat, and the little bird - black phoebe? - who flew in my open front door yesterday and let me pick her/him/they up to take back outside.

I invite you to read below for upcoming programs and events.

I hope to see you.

with love and blessings,

Alexis


Upcoming Events


Community Grief Ritual

June 9, 2018

Arroyo Hondo Preserve, Santa Barbara

ALL WELCOME

An opportunity to honor our personal and collective grief with regards to the sorrows of the world, loss of loved ones, ancestral grief, trauma, places in ourselves that have not known love, what we expected and did not receive, and the reality that everything we love, we will lose.


Young Adults Wilderness Fast

June 22 - 30, 2018

San Emigdio Mountains, CA

Ages 18-28

Join us for a 9 day immersion to honor your transition into adulthood with 3 days and nights alone in the wilderness. Supported by a circle of peers and guides Alexis Slutzky & Shawn Berry.

Register by May 21


Young Adults Council: Dreaming Our Future

June 6 7-9pm

Yoga Soup, Santa Barbara

Ages 18-28

Show up with other 20 something folks to share and listen from the heart about what is moving in you during these times. What are the dreams you are carrying for yourself and the world? Dreams from the mystery of the night as well as dreams and longings and visions from the day.


Global Youth Peace Summit

June 10 - June 15, 2018

Nevada City, CA

Ages 14-17

I will be a part of the 6th Annual California Global Youth Peace Summit next month, June 2018. The summit brings together 50+ youth from more than 20 countries for a week focused on leadership development, personal growth, and cultural exchange. Youth who participate come from all walks of life including youth born and raised in California as well as immigrant and refugee youth who have recently resettled in the Bay Area and youth from around the world. It is an incredible experience of courage, creativity and healing.The Summit is still working to raise money. Please visit site below if you would like to make a donation.


Wisdom Rising in the Wild: Women's Wilderness Retreat at Tara Mandala

July 7 - July 14, 2018

Pagosa Springs, CO

This retreat will bring the spirit of Wisdom Rising, a movement started by Lama Tsultrim Allione, into the wild. Following in the footsteps of the sages of old who lived and practiced in nature, we will practice deeply, sitting under trees in direct contact with the elements, on the beautiful land of Tara Mandala. With Lopön Chandra Easton, Alexis Slutzky and Stacy Zumbroegel.

Register by June 6

At the Mercy and Power of the Elements

"It’s possible I am pushing through solid rock

in flintlike layers, as the ore lies, alone;

I am such a long way in I see no way through,

and no space: everything is close to my face,

and everything close to my face is stone.

I don’t have much knowledge yet in grief

so this massive darkness makes me small.

You be the master: make yourself fierce, break in:

then your great transforming will happen to me,

and my great grief cry will happen to you."

~Ranier Maria Rilke

Greetings dear Santa Barbara and Montecito community~

A native elder I know from the Aleutian islands, translates the traditional greeting of his people as, 'the morning tastes good!' It is good to be alive on this cool, bright morning. We have come through a most devastating time in our town and local area, first the fires and then the heartbreaking tragedies surrounding the mudslides. We have found ourselves at the mercy and power of the elements and forces of nature - fire and air, water and earth. Some people in our community have been brought to their knees with the magnitude of loss - the death of loved ones and children, physical injuries, home and belongings, and most of us, even those not directly impacted, have experienced the loss of safety, predictability and certainty. Furthermore, in times of such pain, often other unrelated and untended griefs may come to the surface, from our personal and ancestral history as well as the sorrows of the world and our shared context for this tragedy - our relationship to the natural world. The last weeks have required many of us to stretch beyond our imagination and certainly beyond our capacity.

Amidst the grief and tragedy, and perhaps as a direct result, it has also been a time of community cohesion and kinship. There has been an incredible outpouring of communal response and support - services, funds, goods and opportunities to gather. Literally, folks coming together, rolling up our sleeves and digging each other out of the mud. We are witnessing great acts of courage, redemption, beauty and communion. 


Upcoming Events in Santa Barbara, CA


Community Grief Ritual

March 24, 2018

9:30am-5:30pm

Arroyo Hondo Preserve

Open to all 

An opportunity to honor our personal and collective grief with regards to loss and change, sorrows of the world, ancestral grief, trauma, places in ourselves that have not known love, what we expected and did not receive, and the reality that everything we love, we will lose. 


Women's Dream Group

12 week series

Tuesday evenings 7-9pm

Starts March 6

A circle for women to explore dreams, symbols and archetypal images for personal and collective healing, vision and action.

Register by March 4


Drop-in Dream Circles

Monday evenings 7-9pm

March 19

April 23

May 21

Open to all

Come with a dream or simply to listen and be in a co-creative field in honor and respect of the mystery as revealed through the dreamtime.

Poems of Remembering After War

FROM AUGUST 2012 - For a couple years I worked with an organization leading weeklong wilderness based, trauma informed healing retreats for women combat veterans. These poems arose out of that time.

Take the scars,

The tired bodies

My tears.

The broken names

Of all the women

Unstoried by time and privilege,

Anger and betrayal.

Take the arms

Of the forgotten children

Maimed by our own desperate grief

And untold trauma.

Let the earth rock us to sweet sleep

In its spinning through space-

Let our voices cry out, sing out

Together in unison, in harmony,

In chaos and beauty

For the love of the unborn child,

The first light

A tender embrace.

Don’t talk of strangers at this hearth

It is the fire of our mutual longing

Our together call for freedom

The connection of true belonging.

In each others eyes

Under an ancient sky

Where all who breathe are sacred,

scared and trembling,

At the vulnerability of being.

Let us tell the story of love

To our children

And our children’s children.

How we came together

To care for each other and our home-

The earth.

This is a woman’s way,

To respect all life.

We know the true cost of things,

the value and curse of silence,

The necessity of friendship and kindness.

Call me friend

On this path

Where all our journeys end

In the great mystery.

And I will call you sister

As we walk toward

Our ancestors breath

And the destiny of our hearts

Written in the stars.

Recovery

 

Smite the steal,

The cold metal blade

In those soft hands.

Be gentle dear heart

And bury me home.

Wake me again

I am so frightened and forgetful

I swear to never return.

I call out my own name

To remember myself.

This is my life

I claim it again

For the third time…

There is no bargaining now

Only a mighty wind

Blowing the dust (of war) from my eyes

Blinded by memory

It has been days since I awoke smiling to the east

To greet the morning sun.

This day, today

I call back my heart

To itself.

I will wait here

Patient as cedar

Until you return.

This time

I surrender.

Your Eyes To See Myself

There are too many dark places

which in their darkness

provide the fertile wisdom which gives birth to and contains,

dances with the light of clear seeing.

Needing each other, like the ocean needs the shore,

the day needs night, space needs form.

This love feeds the invisibles.

And the darkness pulls me towards it, to devour me in ecstasy.

I resist, yet know it is what offers me the remembering I have sought for so long.

It is toward this dark remembering I turn and face and dance.

My dark dance of remembering.

Will you watch me? How the edges of my mouth curve, how my feet caress the earth, how the fury in my gut sends flames through my hands?

I need your eyes to see myself.

Please don’t turn away.

Help me defeat the forgetting by dancing with it, embracing it, embodying it…