fear

May the Gifts of This Time Be Revealed

Santa Ynez Mountains, Santa Barbara Backcountry

Greetings dear people ~

We find ourselves in very unsettling times as a global community. Times of great change, catalyzing fear, loss and uncertainty. Also a time of slowing down, turning inward, generosity, deepening gratitude for what really matters, working together and community care. No matter the origin of this virus and global response, two things are absolutely clear, our interconnectedness and our capacity and willingness to work together to affect change.

Many of us have imagined and prepared for a time such as this. Although no one could have known the form it would take, nor the timing, though it feels right given where we are as a species in the throws of climate change. We also do not know where this will take us, as the end of the story is not written. We only know we are navigating our way through the uncertainty and possibility together. Reminds me of a bumper sticker I had on an old station wagon in my 20's - "There is no way to peace, peace is the way." It matters how we are in this time of transition. The way we navigate now, sows seeds for the future we are co-creating. This is not to give us extra pressure to get it right, just a sense of our own power and capacity for change. Sometimes this looks like not doing anything, except our best to meet each moment, returning again and again to presence, watching out for the pitfalls of a mind in terror, offering grace to ourselves and each other.

I know that many are suffering now. You yourself might be facing great challenges - children at home, loss of loved ones, job insecurity, social isolation, instability of any and all sorts, activation of past traumas, separation from loved ones. Most of us are impacted in some way or another. And truth is, many have been suffering for a long time. Our earth, our human and non human relatives, have not been well for a long time. When we are ripe for change, and do not willingly enter the territory of transformation of our own accord, life has a way of taking us there on its own terms. Francis Weller, a mentor of mine, calls this a rough initiation. This is where we are now. We have been severed from the familiar, our habits and patterns are disrupted, as we are in this liminal, time out of time, threshold. Nothing remains the same on the other side of any initiation. We are forever changed by the experience. In traditional initiatory rites, sometimes the young initiate would be covered in ash to signify the death of who this person had been. After coming through the initiatory rite, the old self was considered dead, and the person is reborn into a new identity. An identity that was much wider, including more and more of the web of life. Initiation was never meant for the individual alone, as an act of of self-growth or improvement. It was and has always been a communal act, serving to return us to our place in the web of relations, indebted to the community of all beings. The threshold time, or time in between the new and old story, or identity, can be a time to pray, let go, reflect on what matters, ask for vision of how to live in right relationship, account for the impact our habits have had on ourselves, others and the planet. A time to give thanks for the things we have taken for granted, earth, water, air, fire, our families, community, sharing meals together, food and shelter, all of the aspects that make up community and village life. We might ask: Am I living in alignment? What needs to die? Change? Be seeded? What is truly most important?

Another mentor of mine, Deena Metzger, practices and teaches what she calls the No Enemy Way. This path requires healing from our past traumas, which cause us to react in fear and separation and sever our capacity for relatedness, trust and connection. The type of self interest and self preservation we are seeing all around us, and maybe within as well, is a reflection of that unmetabolized trauma. We might be seeing more clearly, the ways we unconsciously and consciously 'other', create an us and a them, and retract into fight, flight or flee. At this point in our collective journey together as humans embedded in a civilization of disconnection and domination, very few of us, if any, have escaped the ramifications of trauma, which the Hopi refer too as tsawana, meaning "a state of mind in terror." Even if simply the developmental trauma of being raised without presence or attunement in a disconnected family, community, civilization, if not more severe abuse.

Given how many of us may be experiencing fear, outrage, grief, anxiety, this time calls us to utilize and engage all the tools we have for presence, collective care, equanimity, creativity, self regulation, connection, and the capacity to show up in relationship. I have personally been doing my best to practice returning again and again to a state of presence and joy, gratitude and ease, and am very grateful for the years of practice I have engaged up until now. Time in nature, time in nature, connection with others, mostly virtual now, writing, and moving my body in ways that bring me joy and pleasure, have been nourishing and grounding.

My vision of and longing for a garden, and community in close contact, is stronger than ever. I have heard that seeds are getting sold out of places that sell seeds, as are baby chicks and bread baking flour. Out of fear, necessity or just because it is a really good idea, people are beginning to make changes that are more life giving, and that unlink us from the dependency on the corporate industrial life killing systems. Community supported agriculture is spreading, and the gift economy is gaining traction. Neighbors are checking in with each other more often, people are more aware of the most vulnerable in their communities - whether they be the elderly, undocumented workers, incarcerated folks - and taking action accordingly to care for all in the circle of kin. All of this is good news and salve for the heart.

Whatever your personal experience of this pandemic, may you know you are not alone. May the gifts of this time be revealed, may you find solace with the fear and uncertainty, and deepen the practices that help you return to presence, generosity and love. Know that you are an incredible being of beauty and intelligence carrying gifts for our world. This is the truth, breathe it in as many times a day as you need to remember who you are. We are doing this together, and this togetherness feels more important than ever. So grateful to be alive at this time with you, as we are in the process of making history. Thank you for reading and staying connected.

Please see below to know where you can find me online during this time of transition.

Weekly Events Online

Other Events Online

  • April 12 Sunday 2PM - 5PM PST Being with Grief through Insight LA Meditation Center. With Dr. Radhule Weininger and Dr. Michael Kearney.

  • April 19 Sunday 2PM - 5pm PST Tending Our Grief through Insight LA Meditation Center. With Dr. Radhule Weininger.

  • April 8 Wednesday 7PM - 8:30PM PST Solidarity and Compassion Project, with Dr. Radhule Weininger and Dr. Michael Kearney. Second Wednesday of every month.

Also including my first video shared on Facebook, with thoughts that were stirring last week. It is slowly becoming a practice for me to post videos, so as to stretch myself into more visibility, vulnerability, accountability and connection.

with wild blessings and big love, and mercy, mercy, mercy for ourselves and each other.

Alexis

Mundane Miracles, Holy Wonders & Other Tidbits

Charles Eisenstein's Article Coronation

Dawnland by the Upstander Project - FREE screening on April 21 8PM EST. Visit here for more information.

Dr Zack Bush interview, on microbiome.

MaMuse singing We Shall Be Known and also covered by Thrive East Bay Choir.

Message from White Eagle, Hopi indigenous, from March 16, 2020.

“This moment humanity is going through can be seen as a portal and as a hole. The decision to fall into the hole or go through the portal is up to you. If they repent of the problem and consume the news 24 hours a day, with little energy, nervous all the time, with pessimism, they will fall into the hole. But if you take this opportunity to look at yourself, rethink life and death, take care of yourself and others, you will cross the portal. Take care of your home, take care of your body. Connect with the middle body of your spiritual house, all this is synonymous, that is to say the same. When you are taking care of one, you are taking care of everything else. Do not lose the spiritual dimension of this crisis, have the aspect of the eagle, which from above, sees the whole, sees more widely. There is a social demand in this crisis, but there is also a spiritual demand. The two go hand in hand. Without the social dimension, we fall into fanaticism. But without the spiritual dimension, we fall into pessimism and lack of meaning. You were prepared to go through this crisis. Take your toolbox and use all the tools at your disposal.

Learn about resistance with indigenous and African peoples: we have always been and continue to be exterminated. But we still haven’t stopped singing, dancing, lighting a fire and having fun. Don’t feel guilty about being happy during this difficult time. You don’t help at all by being sad and without energy. It helps if good things emanate from the Universe now. It is through joy that one resists. Also, when the storm passes, you will be very important in the reconstruction of this new world. You need to be well and strong. And, for that, there is no other way than to maintain a beautiful, happy and bright vibration. This has nothing to do with alienation. This is a resistance strategy. In shamanism, there is a rite of passage called the quest for vision. You spend a few days alone in the forest, without water, without food, without protection. When you go through this portal, you get a new vision of the world, because you have faced your fears, your difficulties…

This is what is asked of you. Let them take advantage of this time to perform their vision seeking rituals.

What world do you want to build for yourself? For now, this is what you can do: serenity in the storm. Calm down and pray. Everyday. Establish a routine to meet the sacred every day. Good things emanate, what you emanate now is the most important thing. And sing, dance, resist through art, joy, faith and love.”

A piece I wrote spontaneously on March 23, 2020, the day before I heard about the new book The Invisible Rainbow, about the history of humans complex relationship with electricity.

Tell me how much you love me, she said? 

What more will it take? I have given you everything. 

She remembered somewhere deep in her bones, that feeling of love. Of being cherished. 

And on that day, she swore, she would never ever lie. 

Why lie, you might ask? 

Because the earth does not lie. 

Everything is just as it is, precisely itself. 

This is the truth of it, and the beauty of it.  

And the nature of nature. 

Although she knew she could never lie, she also did not know how to tell the truth. So she did not speak. 

She got quiet, and small. Much too small for her size. 

Though in her muteness, she learned to listen. 

She listened to the water, the soil, the plants, the animals, the dreams, the heron, salamander, bear, black phoebe. And in the listening, she was returned to herself. She was remembered, in relation to all of the other voices, the songs of all of the beings of all of the world. 

She loved to sing, songs of praise and mourning. Because she loved the world. It belonged her holy. 

Tears took a while to loosen, from her dry eyes, as they had been so long, tucked inside, invisible. 

She did not lie, but she could not tell the truth. 

Until she could. Until she could not not tell the truth. 

Until it was all she could do. 

It was what she was made for. 

Truth and beauty. 

Today, the rainbow lit up the eastern sky at dusk. 

Was there ever such a thing? 

We needed a rainbow, he said. 

And it was given. Same as it ever was. 

Same as it ever was. 

This is the truth of it, and the beauty of it. 

Tell me again, the story of the rainbow.

~Alexis Slutzky

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.”

~Helen Keller, 1957